In praise of being (a little) selfish.

We seem so afraid of being labeled selfish that we have forgotten how to put ourselves first when we need to.

Before Westminster, I worked with a few clients (agility and conformation) who each - in their own way - were having trouble putting themselves first when it came to preparing for the big event. Whether it was family or work or other dogs pulling at them for attention, each handler was more focused on these external factors instead of getting ready.

It's not uncommon for people to react this way, but why?

It's easier to focus outward than inward. When a big event is on the horizon, it stirs up big feelings - excited, nervous, happy, sad, etc. - and big feelings aren't so fun to sit with. So, weirdly, it's easier to deal with other people's demands than to sort through our emotions and do the challenging mental work. We will even create all kinds of "reasons" why we can't possibly focus on ourselves, but it's often just avoidance and/or distraction.

Our insecurities creep in. Even if we are confident in our abilities, big events come with many unknown factors. What will the parking be like? How will my dog handle the environment? Will we have to navigate crowds? Will I have help at the ring? Without satisfying answers to these questions, we can feel uncertain or even vulnerable. Enter nerves. So, doing another load of laundry - something we know how to do - becomes a way to regain our confidence and do what we know how to do. We are looking for ways to be successful, to feel confident, to feel certain.

We don't want to disappoint. There are two aspects to this: Disappointing those in our daily lives about what needs to be done and disappointing all those who know we are going to a big show. For those of us who are responsible for the household, leaving town - and leaving others in charge - can be a pressure all its own. In those cases, we work tirelessly to ensure everyone else is cared for before we even pack a bag. Then there are those (often "muggles") who ask, "Will I see you on TV?" Or say, "I know you'll make the finals!" Their intentions are heartfelt, but their sendoffs can feel like unwanted pressure. Again, the energy that should be spent getting prepared is suddenly redirected to the feelings of others.

In a nutshell, I told my clients there is a big difference between prioritizing yourself and lacking consideration for others.

Whether going to Westminster or a show three miles from home, we owe it to ourselves and our dogs to prepare appropriately. We invest so much before entering a trial, yet we don't prioritize our own needs in the days before. We each individually know what it takes to prepare for an event, so hold fast to your preparation and don't cut corners for anyone. Think of it as setting healthy boundaries for yourself and communicating with those around you accordingly.

(Also, boundaries are a form of self-care (and not negative), but we can tackle that another day!)