If Bambi would have just paused!

We are very emotional when it comes to competing, and the reason is pretty simple: we care what happens. The downside is that the same emotion that fuels us can also get in our way when things don't go the way we expect or hope.

I'm never going to tell you not to be emotional - that's crazy talk (and unrealistic!). But I am going to argue that when we don't have control - or at least awareness - when it comes to our reactions, that's when things can go haywire.

I distinguish between reacting and responding. Reacting happens without much thought, almost like a reflex. Someone cuts you off in traffic, and you curse without thinking. You react. Responding means taking a beat to decide how you will respond. The same jerk cuts you off in traffic, but you take a beat to remember your grandmother is in the car and say nothing.

I'm using anger examples because it's easy to understand how we might react without thinking, but we do the same thing at a trial. We make a handling error and instantly call ourselves names. Our dog makes a mistake, and we jump to conclusions about what it means. We don't finish a title, and start telling grand stories about what it means. And we think dogs can be reactive? Ha!

Once we react, we seem to commit to it - the story gets bigger, our self-talk gets harsher, and elaborate retraining plans commence. Like Bambi on ice, we flail to regain control of the situation and understand why so we can fix it. However, in our emotional react mode, emotions win over rational thought. And just like Bambi, we need to stop for a second and think.

Easier said than done, I know. But when we pause, we give ourselves a chance to process and decide on a response. It's a habit that we must develop, but it's worth it - it's powerful! Imagine having the choice of how to feel about something that happens in the ring. Instead of instantly disappointed, you see it as feedback you can unpack later. Instead of admonishing yourself for an error, you choose curiosity and promise to analyze the video with your instructor.

We often believe that we don't control our emotions - that they are an unavoidable outcome. But that's just not true. We get to decide how we feel and what actions we take - we just have to pause first to have the space to choose a constructive response.