You are upset because you care.

Two different clients recently asked me, "But why do I get so upset?" My answer was simple, "Because you care."

Of course, my answer doesn't solve the problem of getting upset, and I don't think it should. What I mean is, we should care deeply about our dogs and the sports we play. It should matter how we perform and if we are improving. We put so much into this sport - money, time, effort - it's logical that we get upset when it doesn't go how we want or expect.

Caring is an emotion, and yes, emotions can get the best of us and get in the way of performing at our best. We aim to recognize when emotions are helpful, such as when they push us to work harder, versus emotions that derail our ability to be fully present. After all, the only time we have control over is the present moment.

When a handler is upset, they are thinking about the past - something that just happened, a mistake made, a person who made a toxic comment. These examples and others have an emotional component that keeps us replaying the moment on a loop in our heads; the more emotional we care, the longer the loop plays. If we cannot resolve the moment, our frustration grows.

Sometimes, we wish we had a do-over to correct the error; other times, we think of exactly how to handle the rude remark, and others trigger a response with their own emotional baggage. All these scenarios have in common that they are now in the past, and we have an emotional tie to what happened. We care.

I don't want you to stop caring or not get upset (sorry!). I want you to be able to sift through your emotions faster to find the feedback and then adjust your course of action appropriately. This does NOT mean ignoring your feelings! Your feelings are valuable clues - whatever is upsetting you tells you what matters to you. Once you know why the situation is upsetting, you can decide how to take action. You may make a training plan, alter a relationship, or choose to do nothing (a valid option!).

The goal is to get yourself back into the present moment and back into your power, where you control the next step (these upsetting moments can feel very vulnerable!). What can you do NOW? What action can you take going forward? Can you forgive yourself for an error and let it go? Can you stop replaying the moment on a loop and think about something else? These actions may seem small, but they have mighty results.